Why I Left

I am free. After almost 19 years I am no longer a member of the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I got my official letter from church headquarters in Salt Lake City a few weeks ago. This realization comes with mixed emotions. On one hand I am happy that I am no longer a member of the church, but I'm also sad as I have a lot of fond memories of the church and its members, and have had many wonderful experiences over the last 19 years. I think the church has changed my life. How can it not when I was was so wrapped up in it for so many years. And when I say "wrapped up" in it, I was completely entrenched. Totally immersed. In the doctrine and in the mindset of the religion. I "towed the party line" for many years. How I was able to break free is a miracle in itself. But in the end it was the church's own flawed logic that led me to leave it. Basically, though, it is a cult. I am positive of that now. Every day I am more and more convinced of that. Looking back over my church life there were so many clues that are clear in hindsight that the church is a cult. Now, I'm no expert on cults, and I'm not qualified to argue the point, but there are certain characteristics of the church that led me to believe it is a cult. Probably the biggest thing for me was the church's insistence on conformity and it manipulation of members to get a desired result. They were ever so subtle but we were made to feel guilty when we weren't doing all we were supposed to do. And it was a lot of things we were supposed to do. As well, we were always reminded how important tithing was. The problem with tithing was that it was practically manditory if you wanted to get anywhere in the church. By "get anywhere" I mean that we were to continually "progress in the gospel", meaning that we were always striving to do better. Now, that in itself is not a bad thing, it's good if we're improving our lives, but in the church we were obsessive about it. We were made to feel guilty if we slipped up and committed a small sin. We were commanded to be perfect. Looking back, the church's obsessive focus on the temple always mystified me. I had been to the temple many times but frankly didn't get much out of it except it was a lot of information to take in and was a little confusing. We were told that the temple was very important to our eternal progression and we had to go back time and time again. It was to become less and less confusing the more you went. Of course, to be worthy to go to the temple you had to pay tithing, or a tenth of your total income to the church. Among other things, of course and I admit I wasn't a faithful tithe payer while in the church, but I was faithful enough at the right time to get a temple recommend. Paying tithing was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do in my life. It never brought the promised blessings but I did it, not all the time but I did it. And it was a sacrifice. Back in 1993 when I joined the church I was a different person. I was single and almost 30. I had a low paying job and no prospects of a better one. I was just going to continue on the way I was. I was very unimportant in the eyes of the world or so I felt at the time. But then on November 24, 1993, two missionaries from the church came over to my apartment and started teaching me the (supposed) gospel. My eyes were opened. What they were teaching made sense. What they were teaching was what I needed or thought I needed to hear at the time. It all sounded very logical. It's just too bad it took me almost 19 years to realize what they were teaching was based on a lie. On many lies. On many many lies. The whole foundation of the church is based on lies and deceptions. But back in 1993 I had no idea that this was the case. The church made me feel important. That I mattered. It gave me self confidence. I was standing up in front of people giving talks, I was participating in meetings and giving input. I was learning a lot about the church and felt part of a community. I felt good. I felt special. I was part of something wonderful and big. And important. My self esteem skyrocketed. I had never felt like this before in my whole life. I went along like this for a few years. I went to the temple for my own endowment on July 4, 1995, a year and a half into the church. (I would have gone sooner, but I wasn't a full tithe payer and had to wait until I was--as mentioned above--before I could receive the Melchizedek Priesthood). I started to wear the garments and now I felt even more special and important. I was an "elder" in the Mormon church. I was a Priesthood holder. I could bless people. I could hold important callings in the ward. I served in Primary for a year, was an assistant scout leader for a bit and secretary in Young Men's and then in the Elder's Quorum. I was everntually called as Second Counsellor in the EQ presidency, then first counsellor under a new EQ President. I was on my way. It was around this time that I met my wife. She was a member in another ward in our stake. We were married 8 months after we met (I was 32 she was in her early 20's) and sealed in the Toronto Temple. This was August 1997. We were both active in the ward and continued to hold callings and attend church regularly. I lost my job soon after we were married, but it was not a good job(as noted above) so I wasn't that disappointed. I went back to school for 10 months and got a diploma in computers and accounting (missed graduating top of my class by half a percentage point, but I digress...). We decided to move to another city after I graduated (as my job no longer held me to this city) so we moved back to where my wife's parents lived(and where she had lived and had been a member of the ward). To make a long story short, it was a great move for us, but bad for my church life. Even though I remained a member twice as long in this new ward as I had been in my first ward (13 years in the new ward compared to 5 1/2 in my original ward) I never felt as accepted and as a part of this new ward. But I tried. Very hard to make it work. To feel connected to the other members. Sure we made friends and knew a lot of people and a lot of people liked us, but there was always a disconnect. It's like if we didn't go to church for a few weeks no one really noticed. This bothered me a lot at the time and still does, but what could I do. We would attend ward functions but it was like we were part of the woodwork. Non member family would remark about this coldness of the ward members and the cliquishness (is that a word?) they seemed to have when attending church functions with us (blessing of my son in 2002, his baptism 8 years later in 2010). I brushed it off as just the specific combination of people in the ward, who looked inward instead of outward. We did go inactive for a few years in that 13 year span. From early 2004 to late 2006 we were less active. No one from the church really bothered us during the first few years. No home teachers called. The bishop never called (well, he did once at the beginning but gave up on us too quickly, in my opinion). During this time we attended another church (United Church) and I joined the choir. It was nice and I enjoyed singing in the choir, but it felt empty. The people were nice and we liked the minister, but there was no meat. We were so used to having doctrine rammed down our throats and being busy with callings, that this felt like we were on a spiritual diet. We only attended about a year then stopped going. Like with everything new, the novelty wore off. In 2006 a new EQ president was called in the ward as the ward had recently split into 2 wards. He had recently moved into the ward with his family. He didn't know us or our history. He decided he would become our new home teacher and started visiting us. He didn't push the church on us, just came by to see how we were doing. Something stirred in me then. I realized how much I missed the church. Here was someone who seemed to care about us. I wanted to go back to church. I had gone through my rebellious period and it was out of my system. But could I go back after everything that had happened in the past? The reason we stopped going before was we felt we were lost in the shuffle. But now the ward had split and it was half the size it was before. Maybe we wouldn't be hidden anymore. Finally, we asked if the missionaries could come and visit us. It took about 3 weeks for them to come and I was having second thoughts, but the missionaries were wonderful. Those old feelings returned and I started going back, in November 2006. It was hard at first but became easier over time. The new EQ president called me as an EQ instructor in March 2007. I thought this was great as it would help me regain a lot of the knowledge that I lost in my less active years. And it did. I slowly started to do the ward activities. In 2010 my son turned 8 and decided to be baptized. We were happy that he wanted to be baptized and met with the bishop to get the ball rolling. I baptized him on March 14, 2010. My wife and I got our temple recommends back in August 2010. It looked like we were on the road to full activity and participation in the ward. But after a (long) while I realized nothing had really changed. I tried so hard to make it work. I was called as assistant ward clerk in early 2011. This was the calling I had when I went inactive 7 years previously. I questioned for an instant the wisdom of this calling, but chalked it up to "it was where the Lord needed me to be". I didnt' do very much in the calling, just take notes in meetings occasionally. It wasn't too demanding and I was still teaching in EQ twice a month. I sat down with my bishop in late 2011 to talk about how I was doing. I told him I was tired of being wishy-washy in regards to the gospel and was ready for a new challenge, He and I agreed that I needed something to kick start me and move to this new level in the church. What I thought at the time was a wonderful idea, ultimately proved to be my final downfall. I was called as Ward Executive Secretary in January 2012. I was happy about this calling as I felt like I had finally arrived. This was probably one of the most important callings I'd had in the ward and was confident I could magnify it and I could prove to everyone that I was in this for the long haul. But it wasn't. By March I was having serious doubts about the church. I don't know where they came from but I remember sitting in Bishopric Meeting, taking notes one Sunday and having the overwhelming feeling that I did not want to be there. I don't know what it was, I just felt uncomfortable. I didn't know what to do. I left after the meeting (it was held in the morning before Sacrament) and went home. I just had to leave. I never went back. By April I had to do something. I couldn't go on like this. I prayed that Heavenly Father would tell me what to do. Should I go back to church? No answer. No prodding that I should go back, it was where I needed to be. I was mystified. Surely the right answer was to go back. But I felt nothing. I never did go back. It wasn't anyone's fault and I don't blame anyone but myself, but the past 6 months have been a very emotional time for me with regards to the LDS church. I came to the conclusion that the church was not true, that it was not the church that Jesus Christ had set up when he was on the earth, restored in the latter days as the LDS church claims. I learned the true nature of Joseph Smith and realized that Book Of Mormon was a fraud. I had to leave the church. I could no longer be a member of a church that lied to it's members and deceived them. Now, after months of reflection and thought, listed below are the main reasons I left the church. 1. Joseph Smith was most certainly not a prophet of God. He did not see Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ in the sacred grove near Palmyra, New York as is claimed in the official church history. I was taught that he did see HF and JC but in reality he didn't even write about the First Vision until well after the church was established. There are also multiple versions of his story. So, why wouldn't he write about such a fantastical event? He was told by HF in this "vision" not to join any of the churches of the day as they were "all wrong". There is evidence that he joined the Methodist Church in 1828. Now, if God tells you in person not to join any other church, would you? Joseph Smith apparently changed the details of the First Vision over the years. In one version he saw angels, then a combination of HF and JC. And another thing about Joseph Smith. Why did so many people hate him in those early days. I could see some people, namely ministers of other churches getting their hackles up about this new "religion" that may have been stealing members from their ranks, but he was hated and reviled. The church puts the explanation on the fact that all of God's servants are persecuted. Look what happened to Jesus Christ when he was alive. He was hated and persecuted. But that was 2000 years ago. I don't think you can compare Joseph Smith to Jesus Christ. Here's what I think: Joseph Smith was a sly con man. He had charisma for sure, he could talk to people and convince them he was a prophet. He had many people under his influence and was a very good maniuplator. He was also a polygamist. There is evidence he married around 33 women in his lifetime, one as young as 14. He married women who were married to other men concurrently. This is called polyandry. I was not aware of this. The church manuals do not teach this. Polygamy existed in the church but not until the 1840's. There is evidence Joseph Smith married other women besides his first wife Emma, as early as 1834. He was convicted in the mid 1820's of "money digging" which meant he would charge people money then tell them where treasure was hidden. He would look into a hat with a stone and "see" where this treasure was hidden. He lied about the translation of the B of M. In the church manuals it states he sat on one side of the table with the gold plates and would dictate through a curtain to his scribe, but actually he would sit on a chair with his head in a hat with a stone inside and "see" the writings thru the stone (as in his money digging scheme) and would dictate them to his scribe. Now,to the Book Of Abraham. I never paid much attention to the Book Of Abraham in the Pearl Of Great Price, but now I come to find out that Joseph Smith's translation is totally false. The B of A was not the writings of Abraham but some funeral documents from Ancient Egypt. He totally made up the writings, just like the B of M. Just more evidence that he was a con man and not a "prophet". There are many other stories about Joseph Smith, but suffice it to say he was a con man who has purpetrated one of the biggest hoaxes in history. Which leads to #2 on my list: The book of Mormon is not holy scripture but a made up story. I always had my doubts about the book, though I would never acknowledge these doubts. The story of the lost 116 manuscript pages never made sense to me. Neither did the events in the book related to the societies that were written about and how quickly they grew and how quickly they changed from righteous to unrighteous. Add the fact that there is absolutely NO archaeological evidence of the B of M civilizations on the American Continent. Surely civilizations as large as the B of M claim would leave behind some evidence. But there is nothing. Also there are translation errors that have been discovered in the bible that are still there in the B of M. There are many beautiful passages in the BofM, but they are fiction. The whole book is a product of 19th century fiction. 3.The lack of evidence that today's prophet is actually a prophet.This always mystified me as well. Why does the current president of the church not give revelation about important things? Surely there are things in the world today that we need warning about, but we get vague speeches about generalizations (stay out of debt, get an education) these things are common sense, I think. Why didn't President Hinckley in the mid 80's realize that a forger and con man were conning the church over forged documents. Surely the "prophet" would discern a con man? And if the Word of Wisdom is so inspired, why didn't it include instructions to boil water in the early days of the church in Nauvoo when many people were dying of infection. Why doesn't the WofW have any warnings about high sugar content in food. Certainly this is more damaging to people's health today than "coffee, tea and alcohol". These are the 3 main reasons I left the church. Basically I was lied to about its early history. Joseph Smith was not a prophet but a con man and the Book Of Mormon is a made up fairy tale. In my opinion, if these 2 things are false then the church is false. And that's all I have to say for now...